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Ouch Chrono - Carnage Skirmish (2000-06-01)

Ouch Chrono - Carnage Skirmish
June 1, 2000
Sent in by Kim Walton from Spain
Edited by RedWolf

I would like to comment on the [Bite The Bullet] issue about the can-made chronograph. I'd like to let everyone know that here in Spain we have developed the best home made chronograph. I am also sorry to say that it is better even than the real thing. Let me explain...

There is not that much softair action here so if on a day to day basis we want to skirmish, a maximum of four of us go to the woods and play our famous "carnage skirmish". Carnage skirmish consists of playing with goggles, a gas gun or AEG and [usually] short sleeved T-shirts. Basically the difference is that you [are] not dead when you say "hit", [but] you are dead when you are in so much pain that your opponent
decides not to shoot you any more (which  normally occurs when he has emptied his clip). Being like this you can probably imagine that gun fights take place at 3 or 4 meters the at most so it hurts...although after 15 shots or so you don´t feel the pain anymore. Anyways we have developed a system to measure the Fps that BB's travel at as well as the traveled distance [by using] a shot-to-cry mathematical ratio as well as a measure of the intensity and length of the cry.

So if for example you shoot and 0.1 seconds after you hear "aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggggggghhhhhh!"  it means that he is half a meter away, the BB traveled at 346 Fps and that if you hit him directly on the skin - he is probably bleeding. Once [you understand the logic behind this] system,  please find as follows a brief explanation of the named shots (you will understand when you read it) followed by a Fps-cry chart.

Named shots is a trade mark of "The crying game" and any illegal reproduction will be punished by entering the violator into the crying game (carnage skirmish jam sessions).

Name Velocity Distance Effect
Horn shot 400 Fps 5 mts It is a shot on the forehead. The affected area is swollen to a size that it looks like a horn is growing on your head. (Tried it).
Enrique Iglesias shot 350 Fps 2 meters It is a shot 2 cm below the glasses and 1cm to the side of the nose. The coagulated blood of the affected area looks like Iglesias´s wart.
Big Genital Shot Unknown Unknown No comments. Extremely painful. Ask my friend...or ex-friend (Done it).
Leper 365 Fps 3 - 4 meters You get shot everywere. There are so many affected areas that it looks like the skin is falling of. (Done it and tried it).
I Quit Shot 340 Fps 0.5 meters It is a shot in the chest. The affected person is a crybaby and wants to go to mama.
Crybaby carnage shot 400 Fps Point Blank Every body empties their clip on the crybaby (happens after the I quit shot). The affected corpse goes to mama in a bag (Done it)

For your quick reference, here is how you can tell what you're dealing with:

Cry FPS What it means
ARGGG 280 Standard Shot
ARGGGGGHHHH 351 Victim thinks - "I´m not doing this Rambo stuff any more!"
WOOOARGHHHH 372 Victim thinks - "Yesss I want more!"
!X@$%! [edited out by RedWolf] 425 Pain provokes severe swearing
WAAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! 450 Victim decides to spend all his money on a bigger gun for vengeance.
2 SECOND SILENCE followed by AAAAAAAARRGGGH! 800 Some body has managed to slip a lead pellet gun into the game

I hope you enjoyed this. And remember all this is a joke, we are not that crazy here...or maybe we are?
Best regards and keep up the great work

Berserk Snoopy, Spain

Editor's Comment:
Here in Asia, some seasoned airsoft enthusiasts enter into similar skirmish matches that are called "Power" skirmishes.  Typical weaponry include AEGs that are modified in excess of 450fps and sometimes even 500fps.  High capacity magazines are a must and most undergo some home surgery whereby winding up of the magazine is performed via a motorized mechanism or by way of a lever much like reeling in a fish on a fishing rod.  Needless to say, "Power" skirmishes are not for the weak and rules dictate that participants only wear a single layer of camouflage clothing.  Tactical vests are not allowed.  You can often identify "Power" players by their scarred skin, often most prominent on their forearms.  "Power" players aim to defy pain for as long as possible until it becomes so unbearable that they raise their guns to declare themselves dead, exactly as described above in Berserk Snoopy above.

We at RedWolf never understood the appeal of "Power" plays but there remains a large following in the airsoft world.  As long as you play with friends, this might be bearable.  We've heard many horror stories of real violence as opposing parties get a little too serious about it and end up exchanging fists instead of BBs.  Thanks to Berserk Snoopy though for submitting this story as it illustrates a different way of skirmishing that some of you may not have been exposed to!